Wants are powerful drives. I am having a constant battle with few of them. One particular want has been driving me mad for quite some time now. I want to have a relationship with a person with whom I had a relationship, but messed it up. My ego took over; I went ahead with what my ego wanted, ended up losing a great person and a connection that meant a lot to me. Eventually I had a long talk with my ego, and tried to re-connect with a great person I lost. Too late!!! And believe me I tried; although to be perfectly clear about something, I tried honesty as a last resort. The honesty got me a small chance to explain myself and apologize for my behavior, took me off the ignore list (not sure if the great person knows he is still on my buddy list, I am afraid I led him to believe that I took him off, ops), and finally I was able to write about my hope that one day we will be able to find a way to be friends again.
Ever since then I have wanted to start a conversation one way or another. I’ll admit I sent few messages: an invitation to play an online game, an occasional funny e-mail, etc, all which were promptly ignored. You would think after all these I will finally realize that “No” means just that “No.” Yet my want to have what I want and now doesn’t go away. Each time I see the person show up on the buddy list, I want to send a message. When I read a book, and I want to share my thoughts about the book, and I want his input. I want to be able to call him. I want to find a way for us to be friends again. I want, I want, I want.
His want is clearly in a direct contraction of my want, and keeping my want on a leash, and stick to my word, is a mighty effort.
